Winning Instinct!

Summer holidays have begun and it is the season to pull out all the unused stuff got hidden in the house. Whatever we kept as we will do in leisure are now up for use. After several months, I and my 9 year old Son have decided to venture into some sports activities. This is something we had not done enough, as I myself not a very sports enthusiast. Just to participate in the whole thing and keep him busy during the summer holidays, I decided to start playing some indoor and outdoor sports activities with him.

On day 1, we decided to play Table Tennis (TT) in our apartment TT room. I was a bit nervous because I am going to play TT after several years and I have been an amateur player myself. I knew a little bit on the basics of TT game and I have put a brave face in front of my Son to play the game. Incidentally my Son also not played TT before, which made my job easy in teaching him some basics and start playing.

We started the game and I had served few balls to him and he was attempting to hit back. First few times we both felt a bit difficult to play the game. We slowly started getting comfortable to play the game. Nevertheless, we couldn’t play continuously for more than couple of rounds. When it was the turn of my Son to serve the ball, somehow he could not do the serving. The ball was either flying away from the table or it just not meets the racket at all. First few attempts, he was patiently trying to make the serving, but very soon he was getting frustrated that he is not able to get it.

Slowly it had become anger and he started screaming why he is not getting it. I taught him in as many ways as I can yet he was still not getting it. In a matter of first 15 minutes, he concluded that he does not get it and decided to stop playing the game. I persisted and encouraged to continue for few more shots but the frustration prevailed all through. In about 30 minutes, we decided to end the game abruptly and go back home.

The next day we decided to play Badminton. This is again something we have not played together and it was almost the first time for my Son.  I have been an amateur Badminton player as well. The same story repeats even in Badminton wherein my Son was getting frustrated and angry that he doesn’t know how to serve. I persisted and told him that this is just a practice session and not even a big game.  We are just learning and it doesn’t matter if he doesn’t get right the first time. Moreover, this is just the first attempt and we have played only for less than half hour. This doesn’t call for frustration and anger, as it doesn’t serve the purpose of learning the game. Right now the focus should not be on winning, the focus should be on learning and practicing. Get the basics right, be familiar with the fundamentals and then focus on playing well and winning the game.

Winning instinct is inevitable as it is very natural to ourselves, but we should know when to use it. Applying this winning instinct in everything we do, it may not yield any result. There will be times we have to learn, there will be times to let go, there will be occasions we just need to wait. Winning instinct per se is a good thing, but expecting the results to my favor in every attempt and especially from the first attempt is a bit too ambitious. Life prefers to give the results only to the prepared soul. My preparation does call for learning, training, few slips here and there, few bruises and so on. But the fact of the matter is all of these are required to prepare myself for eventually winning the game – the big game. If I am not ready to invest my time to learn and persist the slip ups, then I give up. When I give up, I am not in the game at all. Then where is the question of winning?

I tried my best to explain all of these and it did work for him eventually, as he slowly removed the winning instinct while he was still practicing. Persistence prevailed over the winning instinct. He started seeing the results and there was a smile in his face at last. He now started enjoying the game like never before.

We came back from the game and as I sat down with a cup of coffee in my hand, I was trying to understand the experience and the learning from the game. Yes, it is indeed applicable to me as well. There have been several situations when I start a new project and I get very worked up and frustrated when I don’t get the desired results as per my expectations in the initial stages. This had in turn caused anxiety and frustration among the people around me as well. I know the project is important and it is very critical it becomes successful. As a team member in the project, my focus was always on the results in the initial stages (winning instinct was playing on me!) rather than focusing on getting the basics right be familiar with the fundamentals and then focus on playing well and winning the game. How true it is!!! what I am going through on a daily basis is no different from what my Son was going through.

Winning instinct is in the core nature of human-being. We all want to win and this cannot be ignored and it should not be ignored. After all, the evolution of human being happened only through this winning instinct. In spite of this, not everyone is a winner. One of the main reason for this is we have given too much focus on winning instinct instead of focusing on getting the basics right. We want to win very quickly without even investing the time and effort it requires to prepare myself to win. Winning is possible only if I am prepared enough. When I am prepared for the big game, winning is a question of time. When I am not prepared or quit the big game, winning is not possible. The choice is on me to focus on the right thing at the right time. Life is a game in itself and I am constantly preparing myself to win this Big Game. When I know that I am playing with Him as my opponent, I need to have the persistence to learn and get my fundamentals on the game right. Eventually if as a mortal father I allow my Son to win, won’t the immortal father He allow me to win?

Winning instinct + Persistence = Success