Winning Instinct!

Summer holidays have begun and it is the season to pull out all the unused stuff got hidden in the house. Whatever we kept as we will do in leisure are now up for use. After several months, I and my 9 year old Son have decided to venture into some sports activities. This is something we had not done enough, as I myself not a very sports enthusiast. Just to participate in the whole thing and keep him busy during the summer holidays, I decided to start playing some indoor and outdoor sports activities with him.

On day 1, we decided to play Table Tennis (TT) in our apartment TT room. I was a bit nervous because I am going to play TT after several years and I have been an amateur player myself. I knew a little bit on the basics of TT game and I have put a brave face in front of my Son to play the game. Incidentally my Son also not played TT before, which made my job easy in teaching him some basics and start playing.

We started the game and I had served few balls to him and he was attempting to hit back. First few times we both felt a bit difficult to play the game. We slowly started getting comfortable to play the game. Nevertheless, we couldn’t play continuously for more than couple of rounds. When it was the turn of my Son to serve the ball, somehow he could not do the serving. The ball was either flying away from the table or it just not meets the racket at all. First few attempts, he was patiently trying to make the serving, but very soon he was getting frustrated that he is not able to get it.

Slowly it had become anger and he started screaming why he is not getting it. I taught him in as many ways as I can yet he was still not getting it. In a matter of first 15 minutes, he concluded that he does not get it and decided to stop playing the game. I persisted and encouraged to continue for few more shots but the frustration prevailed all through. In about 30 minutes, we decided to end the game abruptly and go back home.

The next day we decided to play Badminton. This is again something we have not played together and it was almost the first time for my Son.  I have been an amateur Badminton player as well. The same story repeats even in Badminton wherein my Son was getting frustrated and angry that he doesn’t know how to serve. I persisted and told him that this is just a practice session and not even a big game.  We are just learning and it doesn’t matter if he doesn’t get right the first time. Moreover, this is just the first attempt and we have played only for less than half hour. This doesn’t call for frustration and anger, as it doesn’t serve the purpose of learning the game. Right now the focus should not be on winning, the focus should be on learning and practicing. Get the basics right, be familiar with the fundamentals and then focus on playing well and winning the game.

Winning instinct is inevitable as it is very natural to ourselves, but we should know when to use it. Applying this winning instinct in everything we do, it may not yield any result. There will be times we have to learn, there will be times to let go, there will be occasions we just need to wait. Winning instinct per se is a good thing, but expecting the results to my favor in every attempt and especially from the first attempt is a bit too ambitious. Life prefers to give the results only to the prepared soul. My preparation does call for learning, training, few slips here and there, few bruises and so on. But the fact of the matter is all of these are required to prepare myself for eventually winning the game – the big game. If I am not ready to invest my time to learn and persist the slip ups, then I give up. When I give up, I am not in the game at all. Then where is the question of winning?

I tried my best to explain all of these and it did work for him eventually, as he slowly removed the winning instinct while he was still practicing. Persistence prevailed over the winning instinct. He started seeing the results and there was a smile in his face at last. He now started enjoying the game like never before.

We came back from the game and as I sat down with a cup of coffee in my hand, I was trying to understand the experience and the learning from the game. Yes, it is indeed applicable to me as well. There have been several situations when I start a new project and I get very worked up and frustrated when I don’t get the desired results as per my expectations in the initial stages. This had in turn caused anxiety and frustration among the people around me as well. I know the project is important and it is very critical it becomes successful. As a team member in the project, my focus was always on the results in the initial stages (winning instinct was playing on me!) rather than focusing on getting the basics right be familiar with the fundamentals and then focus on playing well and winning the game. How true it is!!! what I am going through on a daily basis is no different from what my Son was going through.

Winning instinct is in the core nature of human-being. We all want to win and this cannot be ignored and it should not be ignored. After all, the evolution of human being happened only through this winning instinct. In spite of this, not everyone is a winner. One of the main reason for this is we have given too much focus on winning instinct instead of focusing on getting the basics right. We want to win very quickly without even investing the time and effort it requires to prepare myself to win. Winning is possible only if I am prepared enough. When I am prepared for the big game, winning is a question of time. When I am not prepared or quit the big game, winning is not possible. The choice is on me to focus on the right thing at the right time. Life is a game in itself and I am constantly preparing myself to win this Big Game. When I know that I am playing with Him as my opponent, I need to have the persistence to learn and get my fundamentals on the game right. Eventually if as a mortal father I allow my Son to win, won’t the immortal father He allow me to win?

Winning instinct + Persistence = Success

I am a product of...

My own past looked like someone else’s past. This is what exactly I felt when I was requested to address over 800 MBA students in my organization. I had to take a session on sharing my experiences and wisdom on how to make a career in the corporate world. Initially I was a bit nervous as that would be the first time I would be addressing such a big gathering. But, on the day of the session, I was in my zone and gave the best ever speech for 2 hours. There was huge applause and appreciation from all the students. At the end of the session, there was a great sense of satisfaction in me that I could contribute to the students in helping them to build a better career.

About 15 years ago, I was a person who was very shy, low on confidence and dare to face the crowd. In all the earlier attempts of even talking to small group of people in an informal setting was a huge effort for me to overcome. I failed consistently and I thought I will never be able to make it in my lifetime. Today, it is the same me who could address such a large gathering of people and make sense to them. This is why my own past looks like someone else’s past.

After taking the session in my organization, I was driving back to my home in my luxury car. There was mixed feeling of joy and surprise within me. I couldn’t believe myself that I could move from where to here. While there was a lot of effort from my side to reach this level, but then what surprised me was how come I alone could reach this stage as compared to some of my friends and colleagues who are still struggling to move forward. This was even more intrigue to digest as I understood from my teacher that all human-beings are created with same potential.

What is so unique in me? What is my composition that makes me so different and able to get surprised myself? Some of these questions were trying to find answers within me. I was searching within me and I recollected the learning from my teacher that only human-being comprises of Physical, Mental, Emotional, Intellectual and Spiritual personality. Wherein,

Physical personality is the body that I am gifted with and it is only with this body I can do anything. Without this body, I don’t exist. The world identifies me as a human-being through my physical personality. Using this body I am able to manifest many thoughts into action.

Mental personality is the flow of thoughts that I am capable of handling. It is this personality of me that monitors the thoughts both outwards and inwards of me. Quality of my life is directly dependent on the quality of my thoughts. Mind is the only faculty that has the capability to monitor the thoughts and regulate them in a direction.

Emotional personality is my ability to relate with myself and to the world. There is no life without relationship and we cannot escape from it. Even if don’t want anything and anyone, I still need to relate with myself. Hence, my emotional personality plays a crucial role that determines my ability to move ahead in life.

Intellectual personality is that faculty of mine that differentiates right and wrong. We as a human-being are driven by certain values which are nothing but our belief on what is right and what is wrong. This applies to me and to the world as well. My intellectual personality helping me to steer life in the direction in which I consider it is right.

Spiritual personality is the defining force within me that made me. It is this same personality that made this universe and all the living and non-living. This is the existential reality. This is the force that steers me and I don’t have control over it. I can only attempt to understand it and align myself to the laws of life. The more I am aligned to the laws of life, the higher my state of spiritual personality.

All the above 5 personalities ultimately determines who I am. These 5 personalities make me a complete human-being. This seems quite clear to me but then I was still thinking that these 5 personalities again common for everyone. If that is the case, what makes me? What identifies me as so special and unique? This is something I couldn’t find a convincing answer. I definitely do not want to call it as luck or fortune or previous karma.

As I was thinking deeper into it, I realized that each of these 5 personalities are nurtured and developed in me over a period of time. In that sense, I am not a finished product at any stage. This is an ongoing process. I am a product in development and there are many forces that influence in this process of building my personality. But there must be some big influence on each of these personalities that shapes me.  I wanted to take a stock of what shapes these personalities in me and who contribute the maximum:

Physical personality: This physical form of me was brought to this world by mother (Matha). Without her nurturing me in her womb and her efforts even after my birth, I do not exist. This is the reason why she is my biggest inspiration and I can dedicate the greater part of my physical personality to my mother. She is the architect and built the foundation of my physical personality.

Mental personality: Flow of thoughts is driven by the values. My value system is greatly influenced by the beliefs that are sown in me. The architect of my beliefs is my father (Pitha). He is the hero of my life and he is a mega personality. I try to follow and imitate him knowingly or unknowingly. I cannot separate my father in building my foundation of values. His contribution is the highest in chiselling my value system to its fineness.

Emotional personality: This is very touchy and feely element of me. I learn to express the best in the presence of my friends (Mithra). My friends or even a single best friend can exactly tell me what I am feeling within. This is the wonderful power of friendship. A friend can be any person including spouse, colleague, neighbour, boss, schoolmate, college mate or relative. A friend in my life helps me to shape my emotions during the course of building this wonderful relationship. A true friendship is one relationship where there is no expectation from each other. We simply want to relate with each other and be true to ourselves in expressing ourselves. This is the best relationship that builds my emotional personality.

Intellectual personality: My intelligence is gained through the knowledge that I gather. The best way I gather knowledge is through my teacher (Guru). My teacher or guru is the person who enlightens me with the knowledge that helps me to identify myself with rights and wrongs. The teacher also helps me to learn and realize all the other personalities within me.

Spiritual personality: Spirituality is the most confused aspect. In my view, spirituality is my ability to recognize the presence of that force (which created me) in everything that I relate with. In order to achieve this, I first need to anchor myself to one faith through which I can identify myself, relate with and then will be able to see that force in everything outside of me. I would call that faith as God (Deivam). God is not an intellectual understanding but is a personality. God is that personality that I should be able to relate with my heart. Therefore it would be a first step for me to identify a form in which I build my faith through which I can recognize the spiritual personality.

If I have to summarise, I am a product of Matha, Pitha, Mithra, Guru and Deivam. Matha is my mother, Pitha is my father, Mithra is my friend, Guru is my teacher and Deivam is my god. All the five of them have great influence in shaping my 5 personalities. If we remove any one of them, I will be incomplete and imbalanced. It is these 5 personalities make me what I am today. I am a product of each one of them and all of them. I can even conclude that if my life is going great, it is because that I have all the 5 of them are positively influencing my 5 personalities. If there are any challenges in my life, it only means that somewhere I am not paying attention to the teachings of any one of them.

In that sense, I am a product of my Matha, Pitha, Mithra, Guru and Deivam. They shape me and they are the reason for what I am today. I am grateful to each one of them. With all of them together, everything is possible. It is with this belief I stride myself to soar to new heights of exploring this human potential.

Dear Daddy,

Dear Daddy

I woke up today morning thanking you for what you mean to me. You have been a source of inspiration to me that I will never be able to erase from me. This has been my routine for the past few months and I am indebted to you for my lifetime to thank you for what you have given to me. Little I knew that today is the last day I will ever get to see you again. It has come as a shock to me that you no more belong to this world and you have taken the leap of separating from your body to merge with the existence.

Dad, I am not prepared to accept this news. I cannot believe that I could not see you before you left your body. I cannot believe that I could not hear before you left your body. I am unable to imagine that I cannot express and feel you anymore. Somewhere I believed that you are there to hear me and see me enjoying this life. I am unable to imagine that I cannot see you any more except I can perceive you. It is a very hard reality daddy that I am just not ready to accept. I am sure at the time of going you must have wanting to see me, talk to me and express your love. Even though we have been living in different cities, I was always thinking you are just a phone call away. But today, I am getting the feeling of not been able to relate with you anymore. Is this real daddy? Am I ready to go through this daddy?

While my mind understands that all of us born are bound to leave this planet one day, but my heart is not willing to accept this reality. I have been growing with the strength of you daddy. My health, my maturity, my value system and my beliefs everything is shaped by you. I have not told this to you as many times as I wished to express. Daddy, I just want to let you know that you are a part of me and I am grateful to you. Daddy, you have not spoken a word with me on how to live life, instead you showed me by living your life. Daddy, you have never motivated me to do great things in life, but you gave me that comfort, strength and courage that I am capable of achieving big in life.

Daddy, I cannot forget the hug I gave you last time when we met. I cannot forget the last time when I said ‘I Love You’. I cannot forget the last letter I wrote to you and I know that you have preserved that letter very safely close to your heart. I cannot forget the last birthday wish call I made to you yesterday. I am grateful daddy that I could express my love to you in my own little ways. But, I just want to let you know that my expression of love is only a miniscule of what I feel within.

I really wish I could have expressed more to hear from you on what you want. I know daddy you sacrificed your youth to up bring me. I know the days when you fed me with your portion of food. I cannot forget the number of days you carried me, took me along to the school and college by walk. You are my hero daddy. You make me feel stronger and worthy. There is nothing enough I can do to express my gratitude to you. This one lifetime is not enough to thank you for what you have done. The only way I can express my gratitude is by living my life worthy of it. Dad, I promise you that I will not let you down. I will live life in such a way that you will be proud of me. Daddy, I will ensure that I will be more expressive within all my relations. I do not want to miss anyone anymore, for life is so short that nobody knows when their call due is. I will live life as if there is a whole lifetime is waiting, I will express my love to people as if there is no tomorrow.

Daddy, this is not my last letter to you. It is my continuation of my expression of love for you. I will continue to express my love with the memory of all the great time we had together. I know you are reading this letter from wherever you are. With a strong sense of belief that you are there for me, I will continue to look for you and look up to you. Till now, all my expressions were ‘I am with You’ and now onwards it is ‘You are with Me’.

With lots of love,

Your ever loving son